


Cheated

by littlelionsloves



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cheating, Eventual Fluff, Fluff, He's a dick, M/M, Slow Burn, asshole original character - Freeform, but it's ok, kind of anyway, platonic phan for a while, they get together eventually, we hate jack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:22:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6852631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelionsloves/pseuds/littlelionsloves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is trying to get over a breakup and makes a new friend who tries to help him through it - Dan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this fic so very long ago but I am definitely going to finish it! Someday! Just maybe don't count on very fast updates, like it literally took me a to get round to writing one of the chapters oops :P

I arrived at school smiling, excited to see my friends again, to see  _him_  again. I was feeling the same mix of excitement at seeing my friends again, annoyance at school starting again and longing for my bed that every student experiences on the first day back after a holiday. But I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in over a week as he’d gone on holiday with his family, and I was having a serious case of excited butterflies in my stomach at the idea of seeing him again. I knew a week wasn’t that long really, but it felt like an eternity without him.

I took a deep breath so I wouldn’t run at him squealing like a 2 year old and pulled out my headphones, winding them around my phone. I squinted around a bit in the sun until I saw my friends standing in a small group over by the art block in the shade, chatting until the bell went. I could just make out his head sticking out above the others, brown hair straight and flopping in his eye, his hand lifting every half minute or so to flick it out of the way. He needed a haircut, but it would take him absolute ages to bother getting one. I loved him dearly, but one word that could definitely sum up my boyfriend was “procrastinator”.

I walked around the long way, trying to sneak up behind him, grinning to myself like a child. When I was close enough I ran with my arms outstretched and collided against him just as he was turning to see who was running towards him making so much noise, flinging my arms around him and squeezing him tight, almost toppling us both over in the process. He gently extracted his arms and wrapped them around me too, chuckling a little.

“I’m guessing you missed me a bit?”

I ducked my head a little and could feel my cheeks heating a little as my friends laughed along. “Maybe…”

“Well I missed you too.” He lifted my chin with two fingers and looked down into my eyes, smiling. As always I was mesmerised by the colour of his eyes, the gorgeous light green with darker green flecks around the pupil, framed by dark lashes that made the colour stand out even more.

Jack leaned down to kiss me just as the bell went, so I sneakily stood up a little straighter and stole a kiss from him before he could pull away.

He laughed and linked his hand with mine, gently tugging me behind him to registration.

We had most of our lessons together, luckily, so the first three classes raced by as we chatted through most of them, getting hardly any work done and being told off by the teachers more than once. Before I knew it lunch time had arrived and I eyed the sixth formers who got to leave school to get themselves an actually nice lunch enviously as we headed over to the canteen to collect our not so nice lunch.

*****

About half way through lunch Jack suddenly looked at his watch and stood up hastily, grabbing his tray to dispose of on the way out.

“Sorry I’ve gotta go, Mr Brown wanted to speak to me.”

I looked up, confused. We’d been sitting together during maths, when had Mr Brown said that? He saw my look of confusion and smiled at me fondly, leaning down to peck my cheek before he started walking away.

“I think someone had their head in the clouds again!” he called back over his shoulder, and I felt myself blush a little at his words, unable to help it. Anything he said could have that effect on me.

Emma nudged me slightly with a teasing expression, and I shushed her before continuing our discussion about the pros and cons of each the 10th and the 11th doctor, both of us complaining loudly that the new doctor wasn’t as hot. It wasn’t needed of course, it was just a nice bonus.

*****

I left a few minutes before the end of lunch with Emma to go to the bathroom to try and extract some of the spinach she had dumped on my head when I had dared say I preferred the 10th doctor to the 11th. I’d finished mine so I’d had to settle for smearing some mashed potato in her face, but thankfully Chris had stepped in and called for a truce before either of us reached for the custard, which would have been a whole lot harder to get rid of.

I pushed open the door to the guys bathroom, humming a little to myself. Despite the fact that it was the first day back and that I had spinach in my hair, I was in a good mood. I rolled my eyes when I saw a couple by the sink passionately making out, the girl sat on the sink with her legs wrapped around the boy, moaning a lot more loudly than was really necessary. I stood next to them and fished out the bits of spinach in my hair, and I was about to clear my throat to get their attention so I could get to the sink when I realised the guy looked strangely familiar.

I knew a lot of the people in my year, but for some reason my brain just wouldn’t let it go and I didn’t dismiss it as quickly as I would have ordinarily. The guy had just detached his lips from the girl’s and was starting to kiss a trail down her neck, her moaning increasing in volume as her fingers caught in his brown hair. Suddenly her eyes flew open and she looked straight at me and it clicked in my head just as she confirmed it.

“Jack…”

“Yeah babe?”

She pushed him away and pointed, and I just had time to catch the stunned look on his face as he saw me standing there before I stumbled back. I needed to get away from him. He reached for me, panic showing on his face as he stepped after me, saying my name.

“Phil, wait! It’s not what it looks like, I promise!”

I turned and shoved the door open, escaping as I bumped into Emma, unshed tears stinging in my eyes as I hurried to my next lesson, away from Jack.

Was there some sort of handbook that people who cheated on their partners got that told them to say exactly that what he’d told me? That it wasn’t what it looked like? On tv shows, in books, and apparently in real life, when people got caught cheating they immediately resorted to that line. It didn’t matter if they’d been doing it for years or if it was the first time; they always seemed to think that line would work. Well, it didn’t. What the hell else could be going on when you caught your boyfriend of over a year kissing a girl in the guy bathrooms, her legs wrapped around his and their hands tangled in each other’s hair as they made out very enthusiastically? Every vivid detail played in my mind at least half a dozen times on the way to history, and I felt so humiliated.

I stormed into the slowly filling classroom and flung myself down in my chair, realising belatedly that Jack sat next to me in history too. The tears spilled over and dribbled down my cheeks as I tried to wipe them away with my school shirt, staring determinedly only at the whiteboard at the front of the classroom, ignoring everything and everyone around me. I needed to pull myself together.

I felt a soft tap on my shoulder and closed my eyes for a second in an attempt to collect myself a little, knowing it wasn’t working when I felt more tears escape from under my eyelids, following the previous ones down my face. I turned my head slightly to look at whoever had tried to get my attention and saw a guy, I thought his name was Dan, holding out a tissue with a worried looking expression.

At first glance he looked a bit like Jack, the same sort of hairstyle, his hair a similar shade of brown, his skin also lightly tanned, so when he asked me if I was ok I reacted a lot more harshly than I would have done under normal circumstances.

“Does it bloody look like I’m ok to you?”

I turned back before he could answer, ignoring the offered tissue and continuing to glare at the whiteboard, flinching a little when I saw Jack walk in, eyes trained on me.

He sat down next to me and turned his whole body to face me, reaching forward a little to place his hand on my arm. I yanked my arm away and shuffled my chair as far away from him as the desk would allow, trying desperately to stop crying.

When he tried to put his hand on my knee instead my sense of hopelessness quickly turned to anger, and I shoved his hand away roughly, glaring at him.

“Don’t you fucking dare touch me.”

He looked at me pleadingly, eyes wide and just begging me to believe him that it really hadn’t been what it had looked like. “Please can we just talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. You cheated on me. I caught you.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, my voice coming out barely above a whisper. “We’re done.”

“Phil please.” I felt his hand on my arm again and all my sadness evaporated. What part of “do not touch me” did he not fucking understand?

“Fuck you.” I spat at him and I stood up, grabbing my bag and walking towards the door. I’d completely forgotten about the history lesson and was unfortunately reminded when the teacher stepped in my path, asking me to return to my seat.

I ducked past him and walked out of the door, heading down the corridor to the stairs, not really paying attention to where I was going, just walking on autopilot.

I walked out into the sun, the weather not at all matching the black cloud I could just feel hovering above my head.

*****

I couldn’t remember much of the walk home, I just found myself standing in front of my house, fumbling around in my bag for my keys. I let myself in and walked straight up to my room, taking off my tie and curling up on my bed, cursing myself again and again and again for my stupidity.

I’d always thought that people exaggerated how bad breakups were; that they couldn’t possible be as horrible as people made them out to be. I could imagine feeling sad about it, and maybe feeling down about it for a week or so, but I hadn’t thought of this. I couldn’t imagine ever recovering from this. It felt like part of my heart - the most important part - had been torn out, leaving me incomplete. He’d made me trust him, had gotten me to love him, and then when he could hurt me most he crushed me, and it hurt.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up to the sound of a duck quaking and rolled over groaning. When I first set that sound for the alarm on my phone it I had thought waking up to the sound of ducks would automatically make me feel happy when I woke up. Turns out that’s not quite how it worked. I started to link the sound to the horrible feeling you get when you realise you have to leave the warm nest of blankets you’ve made and you’re going to have to face the day, meaning I generally got a feeling of dread as soon as they opened their beaks. I still loved the animals, and the baby ducks were even more adorable, but the sound of their quaking could fill me with a mix of dread and anger, so as long as they stay silent it’s all good. Once they start making noise things go downhill and I feel the forbidden urge to strangle one. Obviously I would never do it, but the desire was there.

The normal amount of resistance I felt towards getting out of bed was there as usual, but today there was about twice that amount added on top. Today it wasn’t just icy winds that faced me outside the comfort of my bed - it was my ex too. Thinking of him as my ex felt weird, and despite all the crying I’d done about it yesterday it hadn’t sunk in yet fully. My heart still did the little flippy over thing when I thought of him before the memory of him kissing that girl yesterday resurfaced and filled me with a slightly scary mixture of sadness and pure rage. I remembered yelling at him yesterday and how all traces of sadness had been replaced by anger in a matter of seconds when he’d tried to talk to me, and I was scared I’d do something like punch him if he spoke to me again. It was that or bursting into tears and begging him to take me back, and to be honest I wasn’t sure which of the two I preferred.

Mom was always out of the house before I was out of bed in the mornings, so I was seriously considering just staying at home and telling her I hadn’t felt well enough for school. True enough, just not in the way she’d expect.

I sighed deeply and screwed up the courage to pull aside my warm sheets.

“Man up you coward,” I told myself, “You’ve already missed some of school because of him. You’re not failing your GCSEs because of some guy.”

A tiny voice piped up in the back of my head arguing that he wasn’t just some guy, he was my perfect guy. The only problem was that he’d cheated on me, and hadn’t seemed to regret anything other than being caught, so not quite as ideal as I’d always thought. Pretty damn close though.

I silenced it and swung my legs out of bed, complaining to myself as I went to the bathroom to have a shower. I got ready on autopilot, only snapping out of it when I realised I’d insistently been trying to get a left shoe on my right foot for the last five minutes, not giving up when it wouldn’t work until I managed it and realised just how odd it felt. I took it off and put it on my left foot where it belonged, pulling on the other shoe too before plugging in my headphones and walking out of the door. I ate breakfast on the go, just a slice of toast I’d grabbed on the way out and chomped on it as I let the sound of my music drown out the world and even some of the things going on in my mind, making me feel a bit better.

I arrived at school too fast, and guess who was there at the school gates waiting to ambush me? My ex. I deliberately veered around him, trying to avoid him, but he came after me and caught my hand, pulling me to a stop. He swung me round gently and planted himself in front of me, my hand still in his. I took it back and turned back to go to registration, but he moved to stand in front of me again, putting his hand on my shoulder this time, stepping closer. I avoided looking at him and tried to step past him again, ducking my head as I passed him. Again, he didn’t give up, this time taking out my headphones and keeping a hold of them, knowing I would never leave them behind. I felt myself get more pissed off by the second, but at the same time I couldn’t trust myself to look up at him without bursting into tears again, so I kept looking at the ground when I spoke.

“Jack, please just leave me alone. Whatever you’ve got to say, I’m not interested, ok?”

I hated how my voice came out wobbly, how easy it would be for him to tell how torn up I felt because of the whole thing and how much it hurt. I didn’t wait for an answer, just took my headphones out of his hand and walked away, and this time he didn’t try to stop me.

*****

Classes were all hell. Jack was still sitting next to me in most of them, and I didn’t miss a single look he gave me. He kept glancing over to me, and I could just feel his eyes boring into me, and it was all I could do to not look back. I was so sure that if I met his gaze right now there was a very big chance my resolve would crumble, that I’d forgive him for something unforgivable and that I’d regret it so much if he did it again. I couldn’t imagine how I’d ever found sitting next to him in so many of our lessons a plus.

It was in English that I finally broke down and looked back at him, but while I did feel the immediate urge to forgive him when I looked into his gorgeous green eyes, wide and pleading, my mind surprised me by bringing up one of my last memories of him. One of him standing by a sink in the boys bathroom, kissing a trail down a girl’s neck, her moans filling the air as she twisted herself closer to him. Every vivid detail replayed in my mind, and the effect he had on me disappeared immediately. He’d hurt me. He was still hurting me. He didn’t deserve my forgiveness, he didn’t deserve anything from me other than the same pain he’d caused me.

I turned back to my work and had far less trouble ignoring him for the rest of the day, only needed to think of yesterday to be able to push down the urge to look over again. I sat in silence for most of the day, escaping to the library at lunch so I wouldn’t have to face my friends just yet. It wasn’t until I flung myself down in my seat at the start of history that someone spoke to me for a reason other than to borrow a pen.

“Hey, are you feeling a bit better than yesterday?”

His voice sounded cheerful enough, so he seemed to have been completely unaffected by the way his concern had been received the day before. I wanted to be nice to him, but when I turned to reply I felt the repressed anger surface again and I snapped my mouth shut. Looking closer I could see that while Dan had the same kind of hair as Jack and was a similar height judging by what I could see from his slumped position, they were actually quite different appearance wise. Dan was more tanned, whereas Jack was a bit lighter like me, and he had brown eyes, nothing like Jack’s green ones. I still didn’t like him.

“Just wondering, did you not get the hint when I ignored you yesterday? I don’t want to talk to you.”

He shrugged and looked supremely unbothered by my attitude, smiling slightly and when he answered his voice was just as cheerful. I wanted to hit him.

“I just figured you might wanna talk to someone, it didn’t look like you were feeling great yesterday. Same goes for today. I’m guessing by the fact that when you were talking to your boyfriend you didn’t exactly seem thrilled it’s got something to do with him?”

“He’s my ex-boyfriend now,” I grumbled. “But yeah basically.”

I glanced towards where he was supposed to be and was surprised to see he’d already come in and was leaning over the back of his chair, talking to the girls behind us and ignoring me completely. I composed my face into a calm mask to stop Jack from seeing how I really felt and shot Dan a glare before turning back to the front of the classroom, ready to fake listening to what the teacher was saying and to fake working and ignore them both.

*****

I walked home at the end of the day feeling miraculously worse than I had the day before, but I was starting to feel marginally more angry than sad about the whole thing. I was hoping that was some form of progress.

When I got home I flopped down on my bed and stared at my poster covered wall, starting to daydream about Jack again, thinking of how perfectly happy I’d been only a week ago and choosing to ignore what had happened so I could live in my perfect world for a bit longer and forget about the sadness, even for just a short while.

I’d dated Jack for just over a year, and he’d been my first boyfriend and he’d been the sweetest thing. He’d understood me perfectly and he’d always known when I needed cheering up and he’d been the ideal boyfriend really. Until yesterday.

I’d get over him in time, I hoped, and I’d find someone even more perfect for me. One day.


	3. Chapter 3

It’d been two weeks since I ended things with Jack, and while I still got longing looks from him whenever we were in the same place, he hadn’t laid another finger on me or said anything to me, just as I’d requested really.

The only problem was that I’d been getting texts from him on a daily basis, some accusing, some practically begging for forgiveness, others neutral. And all of them annoyed me, usually not because of the content but because of how I felt about them. I still got the same happy nervous and excited feeling I used to get when we’d still been dating when I opened the messages, still felt the same tingle down my spine when he said something that appealed to the overwhelming part of me that still loved him despite what he’d done; still wanted to be with him.

*****

Tuesday:  
 _Phil, I’m so sorry for what I did to you, I honestly don’t know why I did it. I just regret it so much baby. All my love xxx_

Oh how I wished I could believe him.

*****

Wednesday:  
 _I miss you so much. It’s only been a couple of days and yet it feels like the most important part of me is missing. All my love xxx_

And what part would that be? His memory or his conscience? Did he forget he cheated on me or did he just not care?

*****

Thursday:  
 _No-one’s eyes are the same as yours you know. Yours are just such a beautiful colour and I miss being able to look into them without seeing anger or hurt in them. I’m so sorry Phil. All my love xxx_

Who caused the anger and hurt?

*****

Friday:  
 _When I told my sister we’d broken up and that it was my fault she slapped me. It’s not just me who misses you baby. All our love xxx_

I missed Kitty too. But what he was doing wasn’t fair.

*****

Saturday:  
 _I just wish we could move past it and get back together. Can’t you imagine any way in which you could forgive me? All my love xxx_

Yes, if he just looked me in the eye and apologised I’d probably give in instantly. Which I really couldn’t afford to do, so I avoided him like the plague.

*****

Sunday:  
 _Phil, I love you. I love you so much. Just please forgive me. All my love xxx_

I love you too Jack. More than I should.

*****

Monday:  
 _Baby I’m sorry. All my love xxx_

It’s not enough. An apology can’t turn back time. An apology means nothing.

*****

Tuesday:  
 _Did you know that before you I would never have told my parents about the fact that I’m bi? Had it been anyone else I would have kept the relationship secret or I wouldn’t have done anything about it. But it was you, and I did tell them, and they accepted it and you’ll never know how much I love you for giving me the courage to tell them. All my love xxx_

Damn him.

*****

Wednesday:  
 _My new partner in history is nowhere near as fun to be around as you. They can’t make me laugh the way you can. No-one can make me laugh the way you can, and I know it’s my fault, but please just give me a second chance. Please Phil. All my love xxx_

Was his new partner not gullible enough for his liking?

*****

Thursday :  
 _You know when we fantasised about how our lives would turn out, and how we always thought we’d still be together in a decade’s time? How we’d have kids and that one of them would be named after your granddad? I still want all of that Phil, and I still want that with you. Just take me back. All my love xxx_

I still wanted that too. With him. But I couldn’t do that because he could hurt me again so easily.

*****

Friday:  
 _Phil I’m begging you, just give me a reaction. Any reaction. Please let me back in. Please stop ignoring me baby. All my love xxx_

I’d almost texted him back. Almost.

*****

Saturday:  
 _Oh for fuck’s sake Phil! Stop ignoring me! I know I did a terrible thing and I’ve told you again and again and again, I’m so sorry for what I did! Just forgive me already! x_

What he did was unforgivable in my eyes! I couldn’t forgive him, ever. I could overlook it or lie through my teeth, but I could never forgive him.

*****

Sunday:  
 _Phil, you’re pissing me off now. What do you want me to do to prove to you that I love you and want you back?! Cos clearly just telling you isn’t working! Do you want me to come to your window and declare my undying love for you like in Romeo and Juliet? Just tell me what the fuck it is you want me to do so you can forgive me! x_

I can’t forgive him.

*****

Monday:  
 _I don’t know why you’re still so angry about it! It happened a week ago and I’ve been telling you how sorry I am every single day since then. I don’t understand why we can’t just get back together! x_

Because he betrayed my trust.

*****

Dan turned out to be in more than just my history class, as I found out when I was in art and suddenly found I couldn’t see as my eyes had been covered by soft, warm hands. I stiffened completely, ready to elbow my “attacker” in the face if they tried anything or if it turned out to be Jack. I really didn’t want it to be Jack.

“Guess who?”

When I recognised the far too cheerful voice I relaxed immediately for a split second before stiffening again, reaching up to remove Dan’s hands from my face. While I without a doubt preferred having him there to having Jack there, Dan wasn’t quite on the top of my list of people I liked to have near me either. I was starting to be able to see past the few similarities him and Jack shared, meaning I hated him less, but the instant dislike I’d felt for him would take a while to fade away. He didn’t seem to be getting at all discouraged by my total disinterest in becoming friends with him, or even my failure to respond to anything he said most of the time, and instead only seemed to get more determined to win me over.

If he kept acting the way he had been - sweet and kind and understanding - then the chances of us becoming friends were definitely higher than I would have originally thought. But it would still take him a while, because while I knew I could probably be pretty good friends with him I still couldn’t make myself like him right now.

He still asked me every history lesson how I was doing and had completely ignored any sarcastic comments I made in the first few days. Now I just said I was ok if I was in a good mood, or if I wasn’t I just didn’t answer. And he never pushed me really. It was like he could automatically sense when I was willing to tolerate his inane chatter and when I was likely to snap at him, meaning after asking me if I was alright he would or continue talking to or at me or he would leave me alone and work next to me in silence depending on my mood.

I sighed deeply and turned to face him, making an effort to at least smile at him.

“Hey Dan.”

“Hi Phil!” He sang my name and bounced a little on the spot and even though I still mostly found him annoying I had to admire his constant cheerfulness. I’d literally never seen him looking down, and granted I’d only known him for about two weeks, but even that was a long time to stay permanently happy. The only time I’d seen him even annoyed was when he’d glared at Jack a few days earlier for staring at me constantly. He hadn’t looked especially pleased then.

He’d taken me actually greeting him as a sign that today I was clearly in a good enough mood to have him talk near constantly, only pausing when he asked me a question and waited to see if I’d respond. The few times we’d had a lesson like this had been enough for me to learn a fair amount about him. Dan was the kind of person who was mostly completely open and he had the gift of being able to share essentially anything about himself with most people without it seeming weird. He’d probably be able to casually slip something like him being adopted into a conversation without it really being noticed in a “we’re going to discuss this for the rest of our lunch time” way. It was a gift really. I wasn’t able to open up anywhere near as easily.

But while I knew small, unimportant details about him from earlier one sided conversations with him, like that he’d had two goldfish when he was younger which he’d accidentally killed by forgetting to put plants in there so they could actually breathe, and that his parents had decided the month after that incident to trust him with a cat, the real breakthrough in our relationship was in that art lesson.

He liked Muse.

It might have been a weird thing to care about, but to me it was like the definite proof that he was nothing like Jack. I loved Jack, even though I shouldn’t, but one thing we’d never been able to agree on was music. He hated my taste in music and I could barely tolerate his; so much so that we’d never listened to music when in each other’s company so we wouldn’t get into an argument.

The first time I’d gone round to his house he’d decided to put on some music, just because it was something he was used to doing because he liked having music in the background, only it started a heated debate about how much we hated the other’s taste in music. He’d jumped on me and kissed me to shut me up, and later he’d smirked smugly and claimed he’d “won” because I’d stopped arguing my case. I’d just shaken my head and kissed him again.

I shook my head again and forced the memory into a little box in the back of my mind labelled “Jack”. I was going to stop slipping into daydreams and flashbacks about him. I looked up at Dan, who’d already started talking about something else, something about pancakes, and interrupted him.

“You like Muse?”

He looked up from his drawing, confused.

“Yeah, I said that about 5 minutes ago.” He paused and looked at me for another moment. “You really get completely lost in your little world of daydreams don’t you?”

I mock scowled at him and stuck my tongue out, and he looked so shocked at the fact that I was joking around with him even a little that he just fell completely silent and I couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped at seeing his stunned expression.

He recovered and stuck his tongue out at me too, exaggerating the action and grinning at me after.

“You know, you’re actually ok Dan.”

It wasn’t the best compliment I could have given him, but anything nicer would have been a lie. He was ok, but I didn’t think of him as amazing or the best person ever just yet.

“You’re not too bad yourself Phil.”

He smiled at me brightly and I grinned back at him, feeling surprisingly ok.

*****

Tuesday:  
 _I’m sorry my last few texts weren’t that nice. I honestly do love you, and I really miss you. I will always love you. I’m so sorry about what I did, can you please try to forgive me? If you don’t want to get back together I understand but please can be at least be friends? I can’t bear not having you in my life. All my love xxx_

_I need to think about it x_


	4. Chapter 4

A week had passed and I still hadn’t gotten back to Jack. I just didn’t know what I wanted, and no matter how hard I tried to make a decision every time I’d come close I’d get caught up in the pros and cons again.

I’d made a list and yet I couldn’t seem to make a decision.

**_Pros:_ **

_\- He always made me laugh_

_\- He used to be so sweet and considerate_

_\- He always understood_

_\- He’d seemed to care so much_

_\- He’d been an amazing friend before we’d started dating_

**_Cons:_ **

_\- He’d betrayed my trust once, he could do it again so easily_

_\- I still loved him, staying friends with him and not more wouldn’t be easy for me and I didn’t trust him enough to get back together with him_

_\- Seeing him with that other girl had killed me, being his friend and watching as he moved on would hurt so much_

I’d spent hours staring at my list and trying to make up my mind, and the two only things I was grateful for in this situation were that first of all, Jack had apparently decided to give me space to think and hadn’t contacted me once; not even in person. The second was Dan. He was a saint.

Why he bothered to talk to me to begin with was completely beyond me - I’d spent more than one hour in his company as a sobbing mess because Jack had smiled at a girl or because I just missed him so damn much, and I had constant mood swings going from perfectly happy to so unbelievably angry to a blubbering mess. And he tolerated each one of my mood swings with the same cheerfulness and patience. When I was upset he distracted me or listened, whichever one I needed more at that moment in time and when I was in a good mood he happily joked with me. When I was ready to murder Jack in the most brutal way possible he cheerfully helped me plan my revenge until I was calm again.

I liked him more with every minute that I spent in his company - he was just so kind and constantly cheerful that it was impossible not to like him. He could make me laugh without trying and he was honestly becoming such a good friend to me in the three short weeks that I’d known him.

We had more in common than I’d expected and after the Muse Breakthrough as he liked to call it I’d been far more willing to let him in and actually listen and talk to him. I even gave him my number when he asked for it which led to us texting each other near constantly. I found it amazing how quickly our relationship had progressed and I was so happy about it to.

Eventually I’d asked him if he wanted to come round and he replied with “HELL YES”, so he was coming to mine after school tomorrow and I was actually pretty excited.

*****

“And then this is my room.”

I pushed open the door and waved Dan in, following behind him and shutting the door. I had to supress a giggle when he stopped in his tracks only a couple of steps into my room, looking around him at all of the posters in obvious awe. I felt kind of proud.

“I would like to confirm, once again, that you have  _amazing_  music taste. Seriously.”

“Why thank you,” I said poking my tongue out at him when he turned to look at me. “You too.”

He grinned and stepped closer to one of the poster covered walls and reached out to touch one of the bigger ones.

“Phil… Why do you have a ginormous Lion King poster on your wall?”

I coughed awkwardly and looked down at the floor, shuffling my feet around a bit.

“I just really like lions ok?”

He laughed but let it go, moving on to admire the other posters and commenting on them all. When he was finally done he flopped down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling which had a lion constellation made from glow in the dark stars that my mom had made for me when I was little. I walked over and lay down next to him, closing my eyes.

“Hey Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“How are you doing with the breakup?”

I sighed deeply and turned my head to look at him. Though he’d dealt with me in several different states because of it and listened to me rant about Jack I hadn’t told him about the texts I’d gotten from him or the decision I was now trying to make. I wasn’t sure why; I probably hadn’t been ready to tell anyone yet.

But seeing as it was probably a good idea to hear his opinion it was time to tell him.

“I’m ok I guess. I’m sort of struggling with making a decision though, could you help me please?”

He sat up and twisted around to look down at me with a slightly confused expression.

“Sure, what’s up?”

I shifted a little and dug my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it, going onto my messages and clicking on my conversation with Jack. I scrolled up to the first text he’d sent me, then handed my phone to Dan.

He took the phone and glanced at me again, clearly still a bit confused, but I just waited until he finished reading the texts.

He handed my phone back to me when he was done but didn’t say anything and I waited for a couple of minutes before asking what he thought I should do. He was silent for another few moments, then lay down next to me again and started speaking.

“Well… I think you definitely shouldn’t get back together with him, no matter how sweet he acts. But I’m not sure what to say about being friends with him…”

He fell silent again and I let him take his time to think about it properly. I really needed some well thought out advice, so rushing him wouldn’t do me any good.

“To be honest I think being friends with him would do more harm than good. You still love him and for that reason if you became friends with him you would probably be a lot more tempted to forgive him and eventually get back together with him. Which I’m guessing you don’t want.”

I shook my head a little but he seemed to notice my hesitation and tried to explain it again.

“Ok, say you become friends with him again. You get on great, you’re really happy, and you love him lots. Because you love him, the closer you get to him the harder it’ll be to get over him. I doubt he’s going to be giving up on getting back together with you anytime soon so it’s quite likely he will ask you out again.

‘Maybe the first couple of times you’ll still be able to say no, but that resolve is going to break down sooner or later, and it’s probably going to be sooner. So you get back together with him and then you will never be able to fully forgive him or forget. So you’ll always be terrified that he’s going to cheat on you again, you’ll always be so paranoid about it, and really, that isn’t a great relationship. Do you see what I mean?”

“Well yeah, but I still can’t decide… Look I even made a list of pros and cons!”

I stood up and grabbed the notepad from my desk and handed it to him to look at. He read through it quickly and dumped it next to him on the bed, putting his head in his hands. I wasn’t sure why this was frustrating his this much, but he seemed kind of desperate for me to listen to him. Maybe he just really didn’t want me to get hurt?

He sighed deeply and looked up at me again.

“I think it’s a stupid idea to be friends with him again for all of the reasons against on that notepad and for the reasons I just mentioned, but eventually it’s up to you. I can tell you what I think of it as much as I want, but I can’t force you to do anything, so just so whatever you think is best, ok?”

I nodded and decided to change the subject.

“So, you wanna play a video game?”

He brightened considerably and jumped up enthusiastically.

“Hell yeah!”

I had to laugh at his enthusiasm, but dug out the video games available. I was about to start naming them for Dan to pick one from but he grabbed one from my hands before I got the chance to and started bouncing up and down with it.

“This one! This one! This one!”

I laughed at his enthusiasm again and put the other games down to try and have a look at which one he’d picked.

“If you stop bouncing around for a second I can actually see what it is you picked!”

He stopped immediately and handed it over. He’d chosen Sonic and I couldn’t stop the groan that escaped. I sucked at Sonic.

“But I’m awful at this!”

“So? It’ll make it easier for me to beat you!” He grinned cheekily at me and took the game back to stick it in.

“Fine! But if you get hit by a pillow at any point it’s not my fault!”

*****

I’d really done my very very best, but no matter what I did I still sucked at the game. Dan would only need one or two tries to get through a level and then I just wouldn’t finish it. We had three tries each to get through a level and I’d use up my three tries time and time again and then die before I finished the level on my third try. And every time I died Dan would turn to me to say that wow, I really did suck.

It was his go again and he was so close to the end of the level, only this time he was on his third try. That hadn’t happened yet. So naturally I decided to sabotage him and I jumped on him just before he reached the end of the level, cackling madly when he died.

“Wow Dan, you really suck at this game…”

We both knew that wasn’t true but saying it to him for a change made me feel so much better that I didn’t really care. I continued giggling to myself about my very childish behaviour while Dan pretended to be absolutely heartbroken, dropping to his knees and howling up at the ceiling in mock despair, naturally making me laugh more.  
  
Suddenly he stopped crying out dramatically and turned to look at me, pointing a finger in my direction.

“You! You did this!”

Next thing I knew he’d grabbed a pillow from my bed and leaped at me, straddling my thighs and hitting me repeatedly with the pillow. I did my best to knock him off but I was too busy trying to protect myself. Luckily I was saved from a brutal death by pillow beating when my mom knocked on the door and poked her head round it.

“Boys…? Dinner’s ready.”

I tried to look up at her, which proved pretty difficult in the position I was in and said we’d be right down. She gave us one last look then closed the door again and went back downstairs.

I looked up at Dan when he hastily clambered off me with a bright red face and grinned when I saw how embarassed he looked to be caught in that position, even if we hadn’t been doing anything.

“Let’s go, food time.”

*****

"Bye, see you at school tomorrow!“

I did a little wave at him and he laughed and waved back and then turned around and started walking home. I really hoped he knew where he was going but when I’d offered to come with him he’d insisted he knew the way so I’d given in and decided to let him find his way home alone. I’d made him promise to text me the minute he got home though so I could be sure that he hadn’t died or something.

"He seems really nice sweetie.”

My mom had appeared at my shoulder and was looking after him with me with a small smile.

She suddenly adopted a sing song voice and said, “And he seems to like you!”

I flushed red at the thought and turned to face her.

“Really? You think so?”

“Yep.You should really pay more attention - you’re completely oblivious! You were the same with Jack you know. You had no idea he liked you until he asked you out.”

I shushed her jokingly and went back upstairs to my room, flopping down on my bed and smiling up at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.

Even if I didn’t like him quite in that way I did feel like I’d gained a really good friend.


	5. Chapter 5

_Jack, I’ve thought about it a lot and even asked a friend for advice, and I’ve decided to give you a second chance but only as a friend. I’m sorry but while I do still love you, I don’t trust you enough to get back together with you x_

I’d been staring at the text for a few minutes now and even though I’d told myself I’d made my decision and that I was happy with it, I was still trying to decide if this was what I really wanted or not. I had no idea to be honest, but I did think I would be happier having him in my life than not having him in it, even if it would be harder.

I moved my finger to the send button, and let it hover there for a few moments while I breathed in deeply and puffed out my cheeks, trying to muster the courage.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed it quickly, opening one eye slowly to see if I’d really sent it or not. I had. It was gone. There wasn’t really the option of taking it back now. I actually felt kind of relieved, and took that as a sign that I’d made the right decision, and I immediately felt happier.

My phone buzzed in my hands and I squeaked, dropping it on the floor by accident. Even though there wasn’t anyone around to see me, I still flushed red and dropped my head into my hands, groaning at my own jumpiness.

I reached down and picked it up, unlocking it and looking at who the text was from. It was from Jack. I had to take another couple of deep breaths before I could force myself to open it, and I again used the tactic of squeezing my eyes shut and tapping the screen in the hope that my finger would magically do it for me.

I cracked one eye open again and glanced at the text, and tried to read it that way. When that failed I just opened both eyes normally and read it, the feeling of dread lifting again to make way for a happy feeling.

_Oh my God thank you so much Phil! I can’t tell you how happy I am! I’m so sorry again and I hope one day you can fully forgive me but I’m so grateful! Do you want to meet up at some point soon? x_

I smiled at the text and tapped out my reply with far less reluctance than with the last text.

_You’re welcome :P yeah sure, when and where? x_

*****

We ended up going to one of our favourite places - Starbucks. We both just really loved it there, and it had also been the place we went to for our first date. Since it was kind of expensive for just a cup of coffee we didn’t go there very often; but it was one of our favourite places nonetheless.

For some reason I’d been expecting things to have changed drastically in the last month or so, so when he ordered the same drink as usual I couldn’t stop myself from looking up in surprise. The fact that we still got on so amazingly well also confused me a little because of how sure I’d been that our relationship was beyond repair, but it took no effort to keep the conversation going and I was constantly reminded of why I loved him so much. Being with him just felt so natural.

He seemed to be making an extra effort to be nice and to keep things lighthearted, avoiding all topics that could make us annoyed in any way. For example, music. A song came on that I hated and he liked, and I saw him open his mouth to start singing along quietly, but he’d immediately snapped it shut again when he saw me looking and sent me a small smile.

I’d smiled back at him and changed the topic, and we spent hours there talking and laughing. It was a pretty good day.

*****

A few days later and Jack and I were still going out on little sort of dates like we used to back when we’d first started dating. The day after going to Starbucks we went to the park after school and just lay on the grass talking and finding shapes in the clouds that passed by overhead for hours and the day after that I went to his house.

It was lovely to see Kitty again and his mom greeted me with a warm hug, and I felt at home again the second I walked in. Being with Jack after a month of being apart and doing all of the little things we used to do was just really nice and familiar and I was enjoying every minute.

When we were there he suggested having a picnic at our secret spot in the park and he surprised me with a batch of chocolate cornflake nests that he’d made with Kitty so he could combine my two favourite foods in the world - cereal and chocolate. I could feel myself starting to forgive Jack, even though I still wasn’t exactly sure if I wanted to do that or not, and I loved him more by the second.

After the picnic date he walked me home and we came to a stop at the top of my road, where he turned to me and smiled wistfully, then started to lean in. He stopped close enough for me to know for sure what he wanted but far enough away to show me that it was completely up to me.

I waited for a moment, knowing full well what I should do, but decided to ignore it and kiss him anyway. And it was just as amazing as it always had been, right from the first time. I’d pretty much forgiven him now, I honestly couldn’t help it.

When we came up for air he brushed his thumbs softly over my cheeks and looked at me with such obvious love in his eyes that I just had to lean in and kiss him again.

“I love you so much Phil.”

“I love you too.”

When I said that hope blazed in his eyes for a moment and he didn’t say anything for a short while. He pulled back then and looked at the ground, glancing up at me again with those green eyes that had always had an effect on me that no-one else’s eyes had had.

“Does… Does that mean you’ve forgiven me?”

I was very sure I had but I still considered it for a long time before I gave him an answer I was completely certain of.

“Yes.”

“Is there any chance of you wanting to get back together with me then?”

Answering took me a while again, but I really didn’t want to say anything that I wasn’t one hundred percent sure was true.

“I need to think about it again. I have forgiven you, I just don’t know if I trust you enough. I’m sorry.”

He nodded slowly, and while he did look a little sadder the happy look remained.

“That’s ok. I’m just so happy that you don’t hate me.”

I smiled at him again and leaned in to kiss him quickly, then linked my hand with his and he walked me the rest of the way home.

*****

When I was in bed I started to drift off slowly with my head filled with happy thoughts about Jack when my phone buzzed. I reached for it sleepily and opened the new message, smiling when I saw what it said.

_I love you Phil, sweet dreams <3 xxx_

_Love you too Jack, goodnight :) xxx_


	6. Chapter 6

The next day I went to my art lesson feeling pretty excited to tell Dan my news. He was a bit late to the lesson so I sat in my chair, bouncing around and fiddling madly with my pencil while I waited for him to arrive so I could tell him everything. When I spotted him I waved at him happily and made a sort of hurry up motion with my hand.

I told myself to wait until he was settled into his chair and had gotten everything he needed for this lesson out so he wouldn’t get into trouble when the teacher started coming round. The second he was settled though, I grabbed his arm and pulled him a bit closer so I could tell him everything that had happened since we’d last talked.

“Dan Dan Dan you will never guess what happened and I’m so happy about it and it’s about Jack and he’s just so sweet but I need your advice and I’m kind of worried about it but at the same time I’m too happy to care and I don’t think I’m making sense but oh well…”

I took a deep breath to continue talking and hopefully start making more sense but Dan saw an opportunity and got there before me.

“Ok, I have no idea what the hell you’re saying, but I’m glad you’re happy. As for the advice, I’m happy to try and give you some but you’re going to need to explain it a bit more clearly.”

His tone was a little teasing but for some reason I didn’t quite believe the happy expression on his face. I pushed the feeling aside and started to formulate normal sentences in my head before I opened my mouth to give explaining another go.

“Right, ok. Basically, I decided to forgive Jack and be friends with him again, but then he started being so cute by taking me out on all these little dates like he used to when we first started dating, and we went round to his and it was so nice to see Kitty again - his sister - and the rest of his family. I’d been telling myself that he was pure evil and to never trust him again and I’d started to sort of block out all of the happy moments we had, and how considerate and kind and funny he used to be, and the little dates just sort of reminded me of why I fell for him in the first place. He hasn’t changed at all really, he’s still the exact same person who made me laugh when I felt down and who protected me from anyone who dared to even think about hurting me. Just because he was the one to hurt me this time doesn’t mean all those things have changed, so doesn’t he deserve a second chance?”

Dan didn’t really react, just continued to stare intently down in his clasped hands on the desk. I plowed on with my monologue and hoped he was still paying attention and not off in his own little world of dreams.

“He asked me for another chance, and I know I said I don’t trust him enough for that but the thing is, I kind of do. I do trust him, I do want to be with him again and I do still love him which makes it so much easier than it should be to forgive him when I still don’t know if I should. Basically, please help me. I think I might say yes to getting back together.”

He kept looking down at his hands and didn’t say anything, and when he still hadn’t said anything a few minutes later I sighed and went back to my drawing. I shaded the easier parts first and didn’t really pay attention to what I was doing, my mind still on the topic of Jack.

When the lesson was almost over Dan finally turned a little and tapped me in the arm to get my attention.

“The whole thing with Jack - good for you. If being with him makes you happy then go for it, ok?”

I grinned at him and felt happier about it because I now had Dan’s approval in a way. Despite the fact that I’d only known him for a few short weeks he was the person who’d been most involved in the breakup and so if he said it was a good thing to get back together with Jack then obviously it was the right decision wasn’t it?

However, when he didn’t smile back that happiness faded a little. Was everything alright with him? Usually he was a lot more cheerful - I hadn’t ever seen him upset or less happy than usual.

“Are you ok? You seem kind of down.”

Dan smiled a little and told me he was fine, just a little tired, and from the ridiculous times in the morning he texted me at I could believe that easily.

After the lesson was over we walked in the direction of the maths block together in a comfortable silence, but just before we went into our separate classrooms I felt the need to double check.

“Back in art, was that your honest opinion?”

“I gave you my honest opinion when we were at yours, but I did mean what I said earlier. If you think being with Jack will make you happy then you should go for it because you deserve to be happy.”

He smiled quickly and walked into his class, leaving me feeling slightly confused as to what his advice was, but mostly anxious for lunch time. I was going to talk to Jack then, I’d decided that much, but I still had no idea what I was going to say to him.

*****

For once I’d spent the whole of the lesson glancing at the clock and dreading lunchtime instead of looking forward to it, and by the time I left the classroom I seriously doubted my knees were going to actually keep me upright.

I got to the lunch hall and found my friends seated at a table in a quiet corner, and when I saw Jack smiling and waving me over I suddenly relaxed. The decision was easy. I loved him. I’d forgiven him. I wanted to be with him.

I walked over with a huge grin pasted on my face and took Jack’s hand, pulling on it a little and I asked him if he could come outside with me as I needed to talk to him. He agreed, so a few moments later we were stood outside the canteen and the nerves were back but for a different reason.

“So… I’ve kinda decided to give you a second chance. I’d like to start dating again, if you’re up for it that is.”

I addressed his chest for most of it, then quickly glanced up at his face to see his reaction. He had a really big smile on his face, one that stretched from ear to ear, and suddenly he was hugging me really tight and spinning me round and whispering how much he loved me in my ear. He set me down gently and kissed me softly, both hands cupping my face.

“Hell yes I wanna get back together, thank you so, so much for giving me another chance. You’ll never know how much it means to me, and I just-”

He interrupted himself to kiss me again, not that I was complaining.

“Fuck, Phil, I just love you so much.”

I smiled at him kind of shyly and hugged him close.

“I’ve missed you, Jack. Like a lot,” I paused and enjoyed the hug a bit longer before speaking again, “but if you ever do it again I will take Emma up on her offer to kick you in the balls as revenge, deal?”

He laughed and agreed, tightening his arms around me again for a moment before pulling away to look at me properly, looking very sincere.

“I honestly don’t have a clue why I did it in the first place and you have no idea how much I regret it. I’m never, ever doing that to you again. Promise.”

“Ok good. But I’d like to just forget about the whole thing now; I may have forgiven you but I still don’t like to be reminded. Move on?”

“Move on.”

He leaned down to kiss me again and I felt truly happy, so clearly I’d made the right decision, but even as I deepened the kiss a little I couldn’t help but think about what Dan had said he thought of this.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up to my phone buzzing loudly on my bedside table and strongly considered dropping it down the side of my bed so it would make less noise. When it buzzed again I gave in and unlocked it, looking at the screen blearily with one eye, the other one just refusing to open.

_Good morning baby :) x_

I smiled to myself a litle, then scrolled down to the next text.

_Happy one month anniversary my love <3 meet me in our place in the park in two hours :) x_

My smile widened and I tapped out a response quickly, then closed my eyes again and took a moment to gather the energy to leave my warm, comfortable bed. I almost fell asleep again in the process, but I managed it and spent a couple of minutes lying on the floor recovering from my ordeal.

I needed a shower and a lot of coffee. I stumbed downstairs and felt around in the cupboards for the instant coffee and dumped an extra spoonful into the cup, then almost poured cold water over it, my mind still mostly in dreamland. It was only when the first few drops had splashed into the mug that I realised I hadn’t actually turned the kettle on - I’d only filled it.

When the coffee was ready I gulped it down quickly, burning my mouth in the process, and staggered back up the stairs and in the direction of the bathroom, waiting for the caffeine to kick in. By the time I was done with my shower I was wide awake and in a fantastic mood, half skipping to my room to get dressed and sort out my hair before I went to see my beautiful and amazing boyfriend.

I took extra care when running the straighteners through my hair, humming to myself quietly and feeling very happy. When I was done I grabbed my phone and ran down the stairs, stopping at the bottom to strike a random pose before continuing to the kitchen. I stuck a slice of bread into the toaster and did a little dance while I waited for it to pop out again, covering it with a generous amount of raspberry jam.

I took my breakfast with me to the living room where I spent the extra half hour I had before I had to leave the house watching Friends and shouting at Ross for being stupid enough to sleep with the girl from the photocopying place when he and Rachel were on a break.

*****

I was sitting on the grass just next to the picnic blanket with Jack’s head on my lap because he’d been nice enough to lie down exactly so I couldn’t join him on it. I played with his hair as he talked about anything that came into his head, skipping from the one topic to the other and looking up into my eyes adoringly the whole time, pulling me down every few minutes to press his lips against mine softly or to whisper in my ear that he loved me.

One thing I loved about the fact that we’d had to restart our relationship was how we were back to doing all of the cute things a new couple always do without thinking. For example, texting the other out of the blue just to say you love them, or interrupting them mid conversation to kiss them just because you suddenly felt such a strong urge to.

Of course that in no way meant that I was happy he’d kissed that girl - those images still haunted me every time I saw her around school or whenever Jack smiled at a girl I didn’t know for too long. I still had to resist the urge to check his texts whenever I stole his phone to write him little messages on the notes app, or to ask him not to talk to certain people anymore because I just couldn’t blindly trust him the way I used to. I could only hope that I would start trusting him fully again with time but part of me couldn’t help but feel like that might never happen again, that there would always be at least a tiny part of me that wouldn’t forget and would always overanalyze things to try and avoid getting hurt again.

Despite all of my anxiety over the maybes and the possible ways he could hurt me I was so damn happy to be with him again. Sometimes I’d get sucked into what could feel like an inescapable vortex of thoughts like  _what the hell were you thinking, he’s going to hurt you again, get out right now,_ but all he’d have to do to snap me out of it was squeeze my hand reassuringly or text me with any random thing and I’d realise again much I loved him and how easy the relationship was and how I couldn’t forever change the way I thought about him, about  _us,_ based on one accident.

I realised that I’d started to drift off into my own thoughts and was listening to the soothing sound of his voice in the background rather than the actual words, and quickly started paying attention to what he was saying again.

“- next to you in history? You talked to him a lot during our… break, didn’t you?”

Was he talking about Dan? I looked around us for anything that could have triggered this train of thought and it didn’t take long for me to notice Dan shuffling forward morosely with his shoulders hunched over and staring at the ground less than a hundred metres away from us. Our spot in the park was quite secluded - it was the furthest away from the play area and the lake with the ducks so not a lot of people liked to sit here, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t still see everything that was going on in the main part.

I gently lifted Jack’s head from my lap and scrambled up, dusting off my jeans as I half jogged over to Dan with a wide smile on my face. It felt like I hadn’t spoken to him in forever - a side effect of getting back together with Jack was that I only had art lessons to talk to Dan now as outside of school Jack and the rest of the people in my friendship group took up all of my time.

“Dan!”

He stopped walking and looked up, a smile spreading over his face as soon as he saw me coming towards him.

“Hey, how are you?”

“I’m great! Wow it feels like I haven’t spoken to you in  _ages_! How have you been?”

His smile slipped a little but he replied too quickly for me to dwell on it much.

“Um, I’ve been ok I guess. I assume things with you and Jack are still good?”

I jumped a little when I felt an arm slip around my waist, then relaxed against the person that had suddenly appeared next to me when I realised it was Jack.

“Things are great,” he said, squeezing me a little and kissing the side of my head. I couldn’t help but lean into him a bit more and barely noticed Dan averting his gaze as if he didn’t like seeing us being affectionate.

“Well that’s nice. I’ve gotta go so bye, I’ll see you some other time.”

I felt my face fall a little at the thought of him leaving already, but nodded at him and said I’d text him later, at which Jack’s arm tightened around me again possessively.

*****

Soon after the Dan sighting the park started to become a bit deserted so we packed up the picnic leftovers and stuffed the blanket back into Jack’s backpack, then he walked me to my house with our hands linked and swinging between us.

When we got to the top of my road he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed me, taking barely any time to deepen the kiss and send my head spinning, even slipping his hands into my back pockets to press me against him more, something he hadn’t done since the breakup.

By the time he pulled away I was having trouble breathing and my heart was pounding and I actually felt a little dazed, so when he roughly whispered that he loved so much in my ear I just about managed to tell him I loved him too before he kissed me one more time and walked away with a last grin sent my way over his shoulder.

It took me a few moments to realise I was probably a good idea to walk down to my house for dinner, and I went in feeling like I was on cloud nine.


	8. Chapter 8

I’d found something about Jack that annoyed me. It was pretty minor, but I’d literally never had this happen before - I found all of his little habits cute really, and until The Breakup the only thing we’d ever disagreed on was music. So when I realised I had found something about him that could drive me absolutely insane at times it took me a while to fully accept it.

He was possessive and got jealous far too easily. It actually led to our first fight as a remade couple. He’d been a bit possessive before, but it had just never bothered me - he’d never been jealous before which to me meant that he trusted me but simply didn’t trust other people as much or that he disliked being away from me. Both meant he loved me, so I didn’t mind if he came along and slipped his arm around my waist or into my hand when I was talking to someone. Now however, he’d taken the possessiveness and jealousy to a whole new scale.

Whenever I was talking to anyone, boy or girl, as long as they were our age he would be there. He seemed to have developed a sixth sense for when I was interacting with any human being and always appeared by my side to show that I was his and that no-one else could say the same. It was with Dan that he was the worst.

He never said anything really, just tried to get my attention so I would ignore Dan. He would come up behind me and wrap both arms around me waist, resting his head on my shoulder. If Dan made me laugh he would alternate between shooting him ice cold looks and distracting me with little butterfly kisses from behind - on my shoulder, my neck, just under my jaw, anywhere he could reach. It depended on my mood, but lately that pissed me off more than it pleased me. Every time I tried to have a normal conversation with Dan, Jack would appear again and try to divert my attention away from Dan, and it would keep grating on my nerves until I told Dan I’d text or call him later.

Naturally however, whenever I said that to Dan, Jack would find an excuse to be at my house that same day, or invite me round to his. Of course I always said yes - annoying distraction habit aside I still loved being with him and talking to him, so whenever I had the chance to spend time with him I took it, it just bothered me a little sometimes.

Then one time Jack really took it too far.

*****

“I don’t care if you think Pikachu is a crappy pokemon - he’s still fantastic ok?”

Jack just laughed and elbowed me gently in the side. It was our break time and we were standing outside the art block and leaning against the wall next to the doors as we waited for the bell to ring for the next lesson. Jack didn’t even do art, he’d just come to keep me company so I wouldn’t be waiting alone.

It was just as Jack opened his mouth to retort that Emma appeared in front of me with a nervous looking expression.

“Um, Phil can I… Borrow you for a bit?”

Her voice broke on the word ‘borrow’ and I instantly felt worried, letting go of Jack’s hand to step forward and hug her.

“Yeah of course, come on.”

I gently guided her away from Jack a bit and shot him an apologetic look over my shoulder, and surprised myself by already half expecting the scowl on Jack’s face, clearly aimed at Emma. When he saw me looking he smoothed his face out into a half smile that didn’t reach his eyes, so I twitched my nose at him and turned back to Emma.

“What’s up?”

She looked up at me for a minute with really big eyes and every time she opened her mouth they filled with tears that she blinked away before trying again. Eventually she choked out what she wanted to say, and I just couldn’t think of anything to do other than wrapping my arms around her again.

“My parents are getting a divorce and my mom is making me move away so I will have to leave my dad behind and barely ever see him and I just really don’t want to!”

She sobbed into my chest and clung to my shirt, and I silently hugged her tighter and stroked her hair soothingly. I glanced up at Jack over her shoulder and sighed when I saw him marching over to us with a murderous expression on his face, clearly ready to rip her away from me and yell at her.

I pulled away from the hug after one last squeeze and a murmur that I’d be back in two seconds, then stepped around her and intercepted Jack, leading him away a little by his arm.

“Look, I’d really appreciate it if you could give us some privacy? She’s just really upset about something and needs someone to talk to, ok?”

He didn’t look happy about it but agreed, his expression softening slightly when I leaned up and pecked him on the cheek as thanks.

“Come to mine after school?”

I nodded and he smiled properly, then retreated back to the wall we’d been leaning on and kept his eyes trained on us, his mouth still pulling down slightly at the corners.

I talked to her until the bell went, and before we went our different ways she thanked me with an almost genuine looking smile and hugged me quickly again, making Jack narrow his eyes at us.

“Phil, would you mind not telling anyone else about this yet? Like I don’t want to upset anyone until I’ve sort of reached the acceptance stage.”

“Yeah of course I won’t! Come talk to me whenever, ok?”

“Thank you,” she said with a smile, and then she went to her next lesson looking considerably happier than she had before we talked.

*****

I was lying on my back on Jack’s bedroom floor with my feet against the wall when he brought up Emma.

“So what were you and Emma talking about?”

“She just had a problem that she wanted to talk about.”

“What’s the problem?”

I’d known that he’d ask that question as soon as he brought it up, but I’d still hoped he wouldn’t. I’d told Emma that I wouldn’t tell anyone, especially since it wasn’t my place to do so, but that didn’t mean it was easy to not immediately tell my boyfriend everything.

“She didn’t want me to tell anyone just yet, so please can we drop it?”

He frowned at me and considered for a moment.

“Don’t you trust me?”

“I do! But I’m not going to break another person’s trust to prove that! Now please let it go, alright?”

I forced my voice to sound a bit less harsh at the end, and I’m convinced Jack will stop trying to find out now. No such luck.

“I’d tell you, so why won’t you tell me?”

I gave up trying to be nice about it then.

“If you really want to know then just ask her because I’m not telling you, ok? And if we hadn’t already established this - I’m not you! I won’t give away other people’s secrets for you because I don’t think it’s right, same as that I would never talk to someone for two minutes and immediately decide to cheat on you with them. Haven’t you got that yet?”

I stood up, grabbed my phone and shoes and left the room, going down the stairs quickly and putting my shoes on outside the front door, supporting myself against the wall next to the door with one hand. Once I’d forced them on I marched down the path leading down his driveway and up his road towards the bus stop.

He’d really pissed me off with that, but the further I got to the corner the more I started to slow down as I realised how stupid I was being. I wheeled back around to go back to him and apologise, but I didn’t have to go very far. He was already running up the road after me, not even having bothered with shoes.

He grabbed me and hugged me to him tightly, whispering apologies and saying he shouldn’t have pushed it and that he really regrets it.

“I’m so sorry Phil, I’m just so scared that my happiness right now won’t last and that someone will take you away from me because I just don’t deserve you, and you have no idea how much the idea of losing you again terrifies me.”

I kissed him softly and whispered, “No-one is ever going to take my away from you. I won’t let them because it’s one of the last things I want to happen.”

“You promise?”

“I swear.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me...

“I can’t believe it’s been two months!”

Jack was tugging me along excitedly, one hand firmly in mine and the other wrapped around one of his backpack straps as he hoisted it back in place every couple of minutes. He looked back at me every few strides with the biggest smile on his face, just as excited as he’d been the first time we’d made it to being together for a couple of months. Just as excited as he’d been for every sort of milestone in our relationship actually. He’d never cared that most people celebrated one month then didn’t do much until six months and then a year. Sometimes he’d shown up at my house announcing that it had been however many months, weeks and days and that it was time to celebrate, somehow coming up with something different each time.

One time he took me with him to a small concert in the park of this guy I’d seen once and had said I liked ages before, not telling me anything about it until we’d arrived. We’d spent the rest of the evening talking in hushed voices right at the back of the small crowd, kissing and sharing secret smiles with the singer’s voice crooning in the background the whole time, singing about love and commitment and how important it was.

We’d walked to my house after and he’d stayed the night, curled around me protectively the whole night with one arm draped over my waist so he could hold my hand as we slept. My clearest memory of the whole night, however, was how I’d felt when he’d kissed the back of my neck and mumbled how much he loved me as he drifted off to sleep. I’d felt so safe and utterly content and cared for and I could never forget that it had been Jack who’d made me feel that way. He was perfect for me, despite all the little things that bugged me sometimes, and even after what he’d done I still thought he was as close as we could ever come to soul mates in this world for me. I didn’t plan on letting anything take that away from me.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when Jack stopped trying to pull my arm out of its socket and instead wrapped his arms around me.

I hugged him back automatically, then looked over his shoulder and realised that I had no idea where we were.

“Jack… Where are we?”

He chuckled and moved to hug me from behind instead to give me a better view of where we were.

We were standing on a small patch of grass in an open space surrounded by trees from three sides with a small stream to our right making comforting splashing noises as it bubbled past. We were facing some young looking trees with a bigger open space beyong them and to our left was a path that went through a few more lines of trees and sloped up a bit, disappearing between the greenery after a few metres. The sun slanted down through the leaves to our left, leaving us with a patch of gorgeous blue sky right above us with only a few wisps of cloads lazily floating by. It was beautiful.

“How have I never known this place existed?”

“Because it’s a little bit hidden. I only found it because I spent so much time wandering around the park when I lost you, and I’ve been wanting to show you it for a while, I just decided to wait until I had a special occasion to share it with you. I hope you like it.”

I gazed around at the little clearing in wonder and nodded mutely, then turned around in his arms and linked my hands behind his neck, smiling at him.

“I love it,” I whispered and kissed him.

“Happy one month together again Philly,” he whispered back when we pulled away.

He slowly pulled me closer to the stream and put down his backpack to pull a light green picnic blanket out of it that matched the grass almost perfectly, laying out a bottle of watered down orange squash and a couple of paper plates with all sorts of unhealthy snacks, ranging from sugared jam donuts to lightly salted crisps as if they were the fanciest foods imaginable. When he was finished he grabbed my hand and tugged on it a little to get me to sit down next to him, and the first thing he did was nudge a chocolate cornflake nest against my lips for me to bite into, grinning widely.

“Yep, I definitely love you, you made my favourite again,” I said when I’d swallowed the whole thing.

“Good, because I love you too.”

We got through most of the food and packed everything that was left away again so we had the whole of the picnic blanket to ourselves, meaning that as soon as we lay down Jack turned me onto my side gently and curled himself around me, pressing soft kisses to the back of my neck and the sensitive spots under my jaw.

In that moment I felt so damn happy. I was warm and still had the sweet taste of the chocolate cornflake nests in my mouth and I had one of the people I loved most in the world right there with me. It didn’t take long for both of us to drift off to sleep.

*****

“Phil,” I heard someone whisper from next to me. “Philly, wake up.”

I lazily rolled over onto my back, looking up in the direction of the voice and was met with Jack’s green eyes hovering right above mine. I lifted my head up slightly and kissed him, smiling up at him drowsily.

“Hi there.”

“Hi yourself,” he replied with a soft chuckle.

I stretched, arms and legs held out stiffly, then turned onto my side and curled myself into a ball, pulling Jack down from his kneeling position next to me so I could snuggle into his chest.

“Hey Phil? Look up at the sky for me?”

I grumbled a little at having to move out of my comfortable position, but did as he asked and immediately forgot about my disgruntlement at having to move. Through the clear patch above us I could see the inky black sky dotted with hundreds of stars, a rare sight in cloudy Britain.

Jack waited for a few moments, then started speaking again.

“Imagine all of the stars above us right now symbolise the people in our lives. The acquaintances are the stars that shine less brightly than the others, those you don’t like are the stars you can barely see, and then the people you love, like family and friends, shine the most brightly. The more important the person is to you, the more brightly their star shines. You are the brightest star in my sky, Phil.”

“You’re mine,” I replied without having to think about my response. He was.

“Remember how we used to talk about our future before I fucked everything up? How many kids we’d have, whether they’d be boys or girls? Well I’m not asking if you want to get married now or even for another few years, but just someday?”

I was still looking up at the stars above us but I felt Jack shift around a bit so he was lying on his side facing me in the dim light. I closed my eyes and thought about how content I was lying here with him and how much I loved him and how before everything had gone to hell I’d been able to picture myself marrying him so easily. I could still see myself marrying him and the thought of it made me feel almost giddy with happiness, so why shouldn’t I say yes?

I rolled over to face him too and pressed my lips to his softly. “Of course.”

Jack pressed himself closer to me and rolled me over onto to my back again to straddle me, then leant down and kissed me till I forgot everything that wasn’t how his lips felt against mine and I didn’t need the view through the tree tops to see stars.

When he finally ended the kiss I laughed breathlessly and pressed a few kisses to his neck, stopping when a shudder went through him and his fingers tangled in my hair again.

“So are we sort of engaged now?”

Jack chuckled and buried his face in my shoulder, muffling his reply.

“I think so.”

“Hey Jack?”

“What,” he whispered.

“Love you,” I said, kissing his forehead.

“Love you more.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Phil!” I heard my mother yell from downstairs, startling me out of my daydream.

I heaved myself out of my desk chair and leaned over the banister to look at her upside down, for once not having stray strands of hair from my fringe obstructing my view.

“Yes?”

She looked up from her handbag and chuckled when she saw me, shaking her head a little.

“And they say they stop acting like children once they get to their teenage years,” she sighed. “I’m off to work now, so you have the house to yourself till tomorrow morning and you’ll need to make yourself dinner. Feel free to invite a few people over but I want the house whole when I get back, ok?”

I smiled to myself at the idea of me throwing a party, but nodded and sent her a little upside down wave. “Have fun at work!”

She grimaced at that and left the house after blowing a kiss in my direction. I wished she didn’t have to work so hard, half the time she looked exhausted so I knew how tough some days at the hospital were, though she rarely complained properly. She did like her job, it just tired her out and the patients weren’t always very nice to her.

I went back to my room and threw myself back down into my chair, looking down at the undone maths homework spread out in front of me. I’d been just staring at it for close to an hour now, so I decided it wasn’t going to happen and gathered all the sheets back into my notebook, snapping it shut and shoving it into the drawer under my desk. I’d panic about it at the very last minute like I usually did, but for now I was going to spend time doing a far more enjoyable kind of nothing.

I grabbed my phone from my nightstand, settling myself in bed to spend several hours scrolling down my tumblr dashboard, but was sidetracked when I saw a new message from Jack at the top of my notifications.

_Philly I miss you, come spend time with me :( x_

I rolled my eyes at the message but couldn’t help grinning stupidly at the sight too. How he still had this effect on me after so much time of knowing each other, I had no idea.

_You saw me yesterday you numpty, what do you mean you miss me? :P x_

I didn’t even get the chance to click on the tumblr app before his reply came through.

_Idk I just do, Monday is too far away :( x_

I looked at the time and figured it wasn’t too late to ask yet, so I crossed my fingers and sent it.

_In that case would it be a good time to mention that my mom is on the night shift and that you’re welcome to stay over? :) x_

He said he’d be there in thirty minutes at most and after a quick glance around my room to confirm the mess was too much to even clear a corner in the next half hour, I happily continued with my original plan of scrolling down tumblr and being generally unproductive.

Twenty minutes later the bell rang and I raced down the stairs to open the door for him, kissing him hello enthusiastically and informing him that he was the only person I’d ever run to the door for, which obviously proved just how committed I was to this whole kind of engagement thing. Jack just rolled his eyes and poked me in the side, reminding me that I’d probably have run twice as fast had it been the pizza delivery guy. He had a point.

*****

“So when are we cooking dinner?” Jack asked, pausing the film and rolling over onto his stomach to look at me expectantly.

“Look I know that we’re technically engaged and all, but are you seriously trying to get me to play house with you?”

He smiled at me widely and asked what I thought of wraps, crawling over and tickling me until I finally gave in and clambered to my feet to head to the kitchen, grumbling loudly about manipulative boyfriends as I went. I changed my mind on the idea of cooking dinner with him quite quickly however, and found it was a great deal more enjoyable when I had someone to wrap their arms around me from behind and place butterfly kisses all over my neck as I stirred the onion into the oil.

On the down side, having someone distract me like that also resulted in the smoke alarm going off while the chicken turned a rather off putting black colour and the sauce became sludge, because it turned out that having a make out session while cooking wasn’t the best idea.

Jack and I jumped apart at the first shrieks of the smoke alarm, his eyes going round as saucers when he realised what had happened. I quickly turned the stove off and threw the windows open while Jack madly waved a wet dish cloth around in front of the smoke alarm in the hope that it would stop.

“Ok so we may need a live in cook in the future, which means one of us is gonna need to become rich,” I stated matter of factly as I looked at him through the slowly dissipating smoke, reveling slightly in the silence of the smoke alarm.

He shot me a quick grin and patted his pockets as if checking for something, nodding to himself when he found whatever it was he was after.

“I’ll be back as fast as I can, sorry to leave you with the mess!”

He strode forward and pressed a hasty kiss to my cheek, and then he was gone, leaving me to look at the barely recognisable chicken and the rest of the mess around me with building panic at what my mom would do to me if she saw the kitchen in this state. I very reluctantly started by carrying the pan with the charred lumps of chicken in it over to the bin and unceremoniously dumping the contents into it, the too thick sauce following. I chucked some balled up sheets of kitchen paper in too in the hope that it would somehow stop my mom from ever finding out about this particular cooking disaster, knowing full well that she really didn’t need more material against me when it came to my incompetence in the kitchen.

I slowly went around the kitchen and systematically tidied and cleaned it bit by bit, vowing to make Jack pay for leaving me to deal with the washing up, easily the chore I hated the most. I’d rather scrub the toilet daily than have to wash up, and I thought about how best to make him suffer as I reluctantly started scrubbing the pans.

It was a short while after I collapsed on the couch with a packet of biscuits as a reward for managing to get the pans clean that Jack came back, throwing open the front door with an enthusiastic shout of, “Honey, I’m home!”

I just grunted to signal my location, refusing to move from my comfortable stretched out position, though I did find the energy to lift my head when the smell of fries wafted in as Jack walked into the living room. I then also found the energy to launch myself off the couch and at him when I saw the McDonald’s bag clutched in his left hand, the right one pointing towards it as he grinned at me widely.

“I love you,” I mumbled as I snatched the bag from his grasp and quickly grabbed a few fries to stuff into my mouth.

Jack reached into the bag and I resisted the urge to growl at him, but when his hand resurfaced he was holding a small plastic figurine of Tom chasing Jerry with a bat, and I beamed at him despite my mouth full of fries. He’d just have to deal with the random fries poking out from between my teeth.

I took the figurine from him gingerly and carefully stroked Tom’s head, silently wishing him luck in his endeavors to catch Jerry. I’d been one of the seemingly few kids who had always rooted for Tom, mostly out of pity due to his many failed attempts.

“I know you loved the cartoon, so I asked the lady for it even though I wasn’t getting a Happy Meal,” Jack explained. “But then on the way home I thought we could watch some of it while eating?”

I jumped up with a squeal and ran for the stairs, not willing to admit that the DVD box set of all Tom and Jerry episodes was hidden behind all my other DVDs in the hope that noone would ever see it and tease me for it. Not even Jack knew I kept the box set so close, or that I still watched it from time to time.

We started with all of my favourite episodes, and Jack very kindly humoured me when I got overexcited at a scene, or acted out something with Tom, simply smiling and feeding me more fries when I leaned closer with my mouth open.

Hours later we were still on the couch, now having moved on to Friends reruns on the TV and accompanied by a bowl of cookie dough, though most of it hand ended up flung around the kitchen and in our hair from our unintentional mini food fight. I slowly drifted off to the sound of Phoebe and Mike’s wedding, and sleepily wondered what my Jack’s wedding would be like.

As long as he was there, I didn’t really care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha so that's the last chapter for a while cos I don't have the energy to write the next one so it'll probably be up at some point in summer :P


End file.
